[how i get storm-ready]

Earlier this week, Tampa was kinda-sorta-but-not-really visited by Tropical Storm Isaac. Here was Isaac’s projected path:

And this was what everybody thought it meant:

No shit, you guys. I wasn’t really planning on buying any sort of storm supplies, but the mass hysteria got to me and I was afraid if I didn’t, Isaac would be all, “Eff you, sucka!” do a last minute-turn, and ram straight into us. So Sunday after Mass (yeah, I go to church, DON’T BE SO SURPRISED, JUDGEY JUDGERSON) I stopped by Walmart to pick up a few things. Ten minutes later, I walked out with the following:

-a gallon of water

-a bottle of wine (Yellow Tail Moscato if you want specifics–nectar of the gods, that one)

-salad dressing

The salad dressing I needed anyway, and the water and wine were for the storm. I figured if I lost power, I would just eat the food in my fridge so it wouldn’t go bad. I mean, I had Sopapilla Cheesecake in there. I WAS NOT ABOUT TO LET THAT SHIT GO TO WASTE. I figured if things got really bad, as in, it’s-been-three-days-without-power-and-I-have-no-food-or-water-left, I’d just get drunk off the wine and forget I was hungry/that there was a storm going on. It was a pretty fail-proof plan. Here’s what actually happened:

-Cracked open the wine Sunday night and proceeded to finish the bottle, along with the cheesecake, while watching Season 1 of Grey’s Anatomy (I miss George and Izzie. ).

-Went to work at 10 the next day, since that’s when the office opened due to the storm.

-Didn’t see a DAMN THING regarding storm damage. Just wet streets and a few palm fronds that blew down–pretty much the same “damage” a regular thunderstorm brings.

This pretty sums up Isaac’s effect on the Tampa Bay area:

At least I got to drink wine and eat cheesecake, although I didn’t need a tropical storm excuse to do that. I DO WHAT I WANT.