In keeping with past years, I am doing a recap of 2012, but instead of going over things that happened, or what I hated/loved the most out of the past year, I am going to list my favorite post for each month. Because unlike my memory, this is in black and white. Here we go!
And that brings us to 2013. It perked me up, going back through old posts! Hopefully this year will see me producing more good shit. And by “good shit” I mean anything that makes me laugh, as that is my goal whenever I write. Auld Lang Syne, bitches.
Happy New Year, y’all! Today was my first full day back at both work and home since the 23rd, and it hurts. I don’t miss living out of a suitcase, but sleeping in and watching trashy reality TV all the live-long day? It’s a sad break-up. Goodbye, lazy days. I will think back on our time together fondly and promise not to cry. Well, maybe just a single tear, because that’s stoic and vulnerable and badass all at the same time.
While I did spend more money than I ever wanted to during my holiday break, I surprisingly did not go crazy on the beauty junk. I only bought one cosmetic, and that was Maybelline Baby Lips lip balm:
Fruit punch flavor. Boom shakalaka.
After seeing commercial on top of commercial promising 8-hour moisturizing and lip renewal, I had to try it. My lips get hella dry and chapped, which leads me to picking at them, which eventually gives the appearance that I’ve been doing hard drugs or am just depressingly sick. Gross, I know. So I jumped at the chance to grab a product that promised to make them look better after at least a week.
My verdict? It’s pretty good lip balm. It does provide long-lasting moisture, but I don’t think it’s a full 8 hours, especially if you’re planning on eating or drinking anything within those 8 hours. I had to reapply twice today during work, but considering I work a typical 9-5 schedule, that really isn’t that bad of a track record. And my lips do feel smoother. I do have to go on record, however, and say the best moisturizer for your skin and lips is water. Seriously: DRINK MORE WATER. Otherwise, no skin or lip moisturizer is worth a hill of beans. I know, I know, water is so bland, and much less flavorful and exciting than Coke or Pepsi or whatever, but whatever you have to do, whether it’s put lemon juice or Crystal Light in that shit, DO IT. I didn’t notice the difference until I started drinking it more, and on days when I’m dehydrated, I can definitely tell. And there was one day during my holiday break where I drank hardly any water, and I was reapplying this lip balm every hour it felt like. And, really, expecting any cosmetic to give you the same results as hydrating properly is just asking too much of it. Drink. More. Water.
Okay, I’m getting off my soapbox now. But while we’re on the subject of cosmetics, remember the Victoria’s Secret Face Prime primer/makeup setting spray I mentioned in my last beauty junk round-up post? It is even more amazeballs than I originally thought. My sister and I put it to the ultimate test New Year’s Eve when we went to the club and danced up a sweat. At the end of the evening, our makeup still looked freshly applied, and that was after a good 3-3 1/2 hours of hard dancing. This little miracle should be a staple in every woman’s makeup bag. Seriously, pay the twelve bucks and getchu some.
As previously mentioned, I spent a lot of time in front of the idiot box this holiday season. One show my sister introduced me to scared me so hard, I deleted my OKCupid profile and I couldn’t sleep after watching it. That show is A&E’s Panic 9-1-1. Basically, this show plays real 911 calls and reenacts them, but it showcases the craziest calls. One of the calls was this woman who lived alone (!) with her eight year-old son. She and her son are hiding in her bedroom closet because they hear this guy who calls himself Buddy break into her apartment. It turns out that Buddy lives in her apartment complex (!!) and has been watching her every move for two months (!!!). So you hear her on the phone all freaked out, and she has a gun, but ends up putting it down on the floor and away from her because the dispatcher tells her to (police were in her complex) and then she’s screaming and drops the phone because Buddy fucking grabs her and you can hear him say in the background, “You’e a part of me” and “I’m going to get real nasty with you for awhile” and then you hear the cops bust in and apprehend him. It is chilling as shit. See for yourself:
The show is an hour long, and there are around 3-4 calls showcased. And we watched three episodes on demand. Three full hours of being scared shitless. So yeah, I totes deleted my online dating profile. I know you can meet dangerous men and creepos anywhere at any time and it’s not just limited solely to online dating, but I figure, why increase my chances? Last thing I need is to be hiding in my bedroom closet because some cuckoo bird I met online decides he wants to wear my skin or make a Mardi Gras headdress out of my face or something. No, I think I’ll stick to meeting weirdos in real life and just invest in some mace, thank you very much. Or a gun. Or at least sleep with a knife under my pillow.
Mommy, hold me.
Note: I am not affiliated with maybelline or victoria’s secret and am not being compensated to talk about their products. i just like cosmetics.
Well, hello there! A belated merry Christmas and an early happy New Year to you! I’m visiting my sister in Tallahassee, blogging from her computer. And yesterday, we saw Les Misèrables, the feel-good movie of the year. J/K. That movie is depressing as shit. And, yes, I am writing this having never seen it on Broadway or reading the book. The only times I’ve heard, “I Dreamed a Dream” were when Susan Boyle sang it and when it was on Glee. This is my first experience with it. However, I do think it is the only good movie Amanda Seyfriend has done since Mean Girls.
Sorry boo, but that Red Riding Hood shit just wasn’t cutting it.
Okay, so here’s a recap if you’re like me and have no idea what Les Mis is about. And before we begin, a disclaimer: SPOILER ALERT ON TOP OF SPOILER ALERT, SO IF YOU DON’T WANT IT SPOILED DON’T FUCKING KEEP READING. Okay, now that’s over with, let’s begin.
Hugh Jackman plays Jean Valjean, a guy who was thrown in jail for 5 years for stealing a loaf of bread and then had another 14 tacked on for trying to escape prison. At the beginning of the movie he gets parole, but he can’t find honest work because he’s labeled as a “dangerous man.” So he has to resort back to stealing shit to eat and stealing 40 winks in random places in the hopes that he won’t be discovered and be made to leave. Then he comes across a kindly monsignor who offers him food and a place to sleep, but because Valjean is so jaded (and, at the time, I thought not very bright), he ends up trying to run away with the monsignor’s silver. He is caught by the cops and brought back to the monsignor, but instead of pressing charges, the monsignor tells the cops that he gave the silver to Valjean. He sends the cops away, and then lays the God smack-down on Valjean by blessing him and telling him that God gave him this sort of second life after prison for a reason. Valjean finally gets his head out of his ass and decides to turn his life around, riiiiight after he pretty much says, “Eff you!” to his parole and breaks it.
Flash forward 8 years, and ol’ Valjean is doing pretty well for himself: he is a respected businessman who owns some sort of factory or sweatshop or something, and Russell Crowe is the inspector who has been hunting him down ever since he broke his parole, because the French armed forces can apparently afford to have one of its inspectors devote his entire career to hunting down one man during a time of political upheaval and social unrest. Seriously. For the entire movie, which I think spans 18 or so years, Russell Crowe’s character stays in hot pursuit of Jean Valjean, even though there is so much more shit in France he could be working on. I feel like his character’s plot line is pretty much a 19th century version of The Fugitive with him as Tommy Lee Jones and Hugh Jackman as Harrison Ford. Anyway, Anne Hathaway plays Fantine, a worker in Valjean’s factory/sweatshop who is fired by the pervy foreman (unknowingly by Valjean) for having a daughter to whom she’s been sending money. Because that’s bad, apparently. So being fired from the only honest job around and needing to make a quick buck in order to take care of her child, Fantine ends up selling her hair, then her teeth, and finally her body. Valjean runs into her after she gets into a scuffle with some dude wanting to screw her, and she tells him that she was fired by his foreman and pretty much blames him for her current condition, which is that of a sick, jaded whore. Valjean takes pity on her and takes her to the hospital where he promises to care for her daughter, Cosette, before Fantine dies.
Flash forward a few more years, and Valjean and Cosette are living happily together as father and daughter despite having to be kind of secretive because, guess what? Yep, Russell Crowe is STILL HUNTING HIS ASS DOWN. They live in Paris, and Cosette ends up falling in love with a man who is in the movement positioned to revolt against the French government (Marius). However, this girl Éponine also loves the man, and we get a good performance of “On My Own,” a song about unrequited love:
I feel ya, boo. Have so been there before. So there’s this love triangle, which ends up being destroyed because Éponine eventually dies in the final battle of the movie. Valjean intercepts one of the notes Cosette and Marius exchange, and is all, “No dicks for my daughter” and decides to go to where the movement is barricaded off and investigate him. Because there is no better time than an impending revolt to see just who the hell this guy thinks he is, trying to marry someone’s daughter. But seeing that Marius isn’t half bad, he decides to stay and fight in the final battle, eventually rescuing Marius from certain death, ensuring that they are the only two survivors. Cosette and Marius get married, Valjean goes off to a convent to die, and Anne Hathaway reappears as Fantine’s ghost to sing Valjean into the great beyond and make me bawl like a baby. Seriously, I was like this pretty much during all of Anne Hathaway’s scenes:
Damn you, Anne Hathaway. Oh, yeah, and Russell Crowe’s character ends up committing suicide, and I think it’s because he grew soft when Valjean was in a position to kill him and didn’t, and he, in turn, didn’t kill Valjean when he had the chance. So I think he killed himself because he felt like he failed as an inspector? I’m not entirely sure, but I do think it was a bit melodramatic. Get on another assignment, boo. Redeem yourself. No need to commit suicide.
And THAT is Les Misèrables. I liked it. I also learned two things:
1. That living between 1815-1833 in France sucked ass, and
2. Hugh Jackman is a badass. In the movie, he hoists a damn FLAGPOLE (which is huge and made of wood) all by his lonesome, and later on, he hoists a wagon off a guy all by himself. Badass.
I have become something of a beauty product junky recently. The hair portion of this obsession I give credit to my co-worker Michelle, who advised me on how to make my naturally wavy hair not look like such a hot mess. The makeup portion I give credit to Kristina. While waiting in line at H&M last week, she turned to me and asked, “Do you know anything about makeup?”
I thought for a moment. “No,” I said.
It was true. I’ve been wearing makeup since I was 14, but I’m nowhere near an expert. Because I had such bad skin growing up, I looked at makeup as something that was primarily a zit cover-up. Sure, I went through periods where I wore eye shadow or colored lip gloss, but my beauty routine for the past 15 years has pretty much been the same: foundation, blush, powder, and mascara. I never really bothered looking at makeup as something that was fun, and never really experimented with different looks or techniques. Kristina admitted she didn’t know much about makeup either, so we decided to embark on a beauty journey: try different looks and products, and commiserate. Even in such a short period of time, it’s become an obsession for me, and within the past few days, inspired by the beauty blogs and tutorials we’ve been sharing, I’ve gone a bit crazy with buying products.
(Side note: while I did buy quite a few products, I haven’t broken the bank. I am a baller on a budget, and I like coupons. While there are higher-end cosmetics that are good quality and work amazingly well [lookin' at you, MAC], I believe that you can find similar products that work just as well for less. For the most part, anyway. There are exceptions. Okay, back to your regularly scheduled blogging.)
Here’s a round-up of what I bought in the last few days:
Proudly displayed on my sexy, unmade bed. Ooh la la!
-Jergens Natural Glow +Firming Daily Moisturizer for fair to medium skin tones
-Victoria’s Secret So Sexy Clean & Go Dry Shampoo
-Victoria’s Secret Face Prime Makeup Primer & Setting Spray
Middle row, l-r:
-Victoria’s Secret Lash Lust Volume Definition Mascara in Blackest Black
-Maybelline Master Shape brow pencil in soft brown
-NYX Matte Lipstick in Perfect Red (I did not buy this one, Kristina gifted it to me for Christmas)
-NYX Lip Liner Pencil in Hot Red
-Maybelline Lip Liner Pencil in Plum
-Physicians Formula Happy Booster Glow & Mood Boosting 2-in-1 Bronzer & Blush in Bronze/Natural
Bottom row: Lipsmackers three-pack gloss and lip balm in the Dr. Pepper flavor
Garnier Fructis
I love Garnier Fructis. Even though I enjoy trying different hair products, I find myself coming back to this brand again and again. I feel like it works the best for my hair, which is long, thick, and prone to frizz. So far I really like the hairspray, although I need to look up a tutorial on the best way to apply it. I feel like it can perform so much better than what it’s currently doing, but I think that’s user error and not product error. However, I can already see that it volumizes and holds really well–I worked a side part for my company’s Christmas party, and my hair stayed put all night. And it doesn’t weigh your hair down or make you look like you have hairspray head. I also really like the shine spray. It lives up to its name and helps to cut down on frizz. And, bonus–it helps define my waves even more.
Jergens Natural Glow:
I bought this because I wore a white cocktail dress to my company’s Christmas party and didn’t want to look washed-out (I have pale fair skin). This lotion was attractive to me because it provided the benefits of a self-tanner without having to go through the ordeal of using a self-tanner. Just use in place of your daily body lotion, and you’ll be a bronzed goddess within a week. Easy! Eh, not so much. Even though I applied this product as carefully as possible, taking care not to use too much in tricky spots like the knees, elbows, and ankles, the color still came out unevenly. One of my legs was actually darker than the other, and on my feet, forget it–the color was blotchy, especially around the ankles. My arms turned out pretty well, although the color stops at my wrists, so my hands are still my natural skin color. However, none of these blunders are that noticeable, and with the low lighting at the Christmas party, you couldn’t tell at all:
Contrary to how it looks, I am actually NOT trying to smother Jen with my hair. Next project: learn how to pose in pictures.
While this product isn’t all that bad if you need color in a quick pinch, I’d probably just go in for a spray tan next time.
Victoria’s Secret So Sexy Dry Shampoo:
Not bad! Works like a gem at removing the oil and build-up on my hair and leaves a nice, clean (yet not over-powering) scent. The only thing I’m not too crazy about is that my hair does get a bit stiff in the areas that get sprayed.
Victoria’s Secret Face Prime:
OH, HELL YES. This is the bomb dot com. Last year, I discovered the magic of primer and wondered how I had gone on for so long without it. As awesome as it was, however, it didn’t keep my makeup in place perfectly. After a few hours, my makeup still would wear off. It was better than wearing makeup without primer, but I definitely didn’t have that fresh, just-applied look going on. But this spray in conjunction with primer? PERFECTION. Your face ain’t going nowhere, baby. Best of all, you can’t even feel it. I spray it on my face straight from the bottle after I’m done applying all my makeup. It sprays out in a fine mist and dries within seconds, is unscented, and doesn’t leave your face feeling sticky or anything. BEST INVESTMENT EVER. Go out and get some. Now. Right now.
Victoria’s Secret Lash Lust mascara:
This is another product that gets an OH HELL YES. If you want high drama lashes, this is the stuff to get. It’s a four-sided brush, two sides used for applying the mascara, the other two used for defining your lashes. I wore liquid eyeliner and two coats of this baby, and it looked like I was wearing falsies. The only thing is, it’s not waterproof, so if you don’t want to chance your mascara running down your face next time you watch The Notebook, you might want to look elsewhere. I don’t care either way, and I think I found my new makeup staple. I am lovin’ the Lash Lust.
Maybelline, NYX lipliners, lipstick, brow pencil:
All products work really well, providing great color, and smooth application. The red lipstick was in the perfect shade (I’m rockin’ it in the above picture), and the brow pencil gave a nice, natural, well-groomed look.
Physicians Formula bronzer and blush:
Another great beauty investment. It was recommended as a contour color for fair-skinned ladies, and I am very pleased with the results I’ve gotten. Very natural look; the blush gives my cheeks a healthy glow, and the bronzer isn’t too dark or brassy.
Lipsmackers in Dr. Pepper flavor:
Lipsmackers. Need I say more? I wore it when I was 13, and I’m still wearing it at 29. I do what I want. ::gangster hand gestures::
If you’re still reading this, you deserve a medal. However, I don’t have a medal, so you get a slow clap:
But before I end this post for good, I will leave you with some great beauty blogs and tutorials I’ve been checking out this week:
Easy brow tutorial (Seriously–I am inept at tweezing and shaping my brows, but after following her directions, my brows came out nice, clean, and well-shaped.)
Essie-Button (I’m pretty sure this girl has tried every beauty product ever.)
What are your beauty obsessions?
*note: i am in no way affiliated with any of these products or the companies that make them or the bloggers. i am just a girl who went crazy and bought a whole bunch of beauty shit and who enjoys reading beauty blogs and watching makeup tutorials. all opinions are my own and not influenced by the man.
Ah, the holiday season. A time for gathering with family, reflecting on the true meaning of the season–and stealing other people’s shit.
In my day job, I process a lot of invoices, which means rifling through a lot of paper. To help me with that endeavor, I employ the use of what I call my “gummy finger”–pink stuff in a jar that helps me grip the paper a little better. It looks like this:
It’s pretty effing gross, actually, but it’s better than licking my fingers, so I use it. But within the last few months, someone at the office has been stealing it off my desk, because I’m on my third jar, the other two having inexplicably disappeared.
First of all–what in the actual fuck? Out of all the crap in, on, and around my desk, including protein bars and valuable McDonald’s coupons, why would somebody steal my frigging gummy finger? Is their sorting task really that urgent where they can’t go to the supply closet and get their own? Or are they trying to “live on the edge” by stealing and going about it in a very stupid way?
Second of all, this is not the first time something weird and random has happened to me on the job. The toothless lady with whom I worked at the company I interned at in college (yup, read that right) would set pictures of Dustin Diamond as my computer desktop wallpaper on the days I wasn’t there (yep, still reading correctly). At my last job, a guy in a neighboring department would always ask if my department had the most random things, such as movie projectors (movie projectors? Do people still use those?). And don’t even get me started on what I witnessed when I worked retail–that is a shit-show and a half. So when my second jar of gummy finger disappeared in as many months, I wasn’t really surprised, but I was kind of surprised, because WHO THE HELL STEALS SOMETHING AS INSIGNIFICANT AS GUMMY FINGER? So I had to resort to drastic measures when it came to my third jar:
Guys, I shouldn’t have to protect my jar of gummy finger by threatening to cut off someone’s fingers. Cutting off someone’s fingers is punishment for something like flicking off a nun or punching my dog in her face. Not for gummy finger. Never for gummy finger.
![[one random b]](http://www.onerandomb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/one-random-b21.jpg)
