During the last few minutes of my commute home from work, I got lost in my own thoughts and zoned out the song that was playing on the radio. When I finally zoned back in, I heard the tail end of a Linkin Park song.
Shit! I thought. Why did I just waste the last three minutes listening to this damn song?
Those who know me know that I dislike Linkin Park. But it goes deeper than that. I have a seething hatred of Linkin Park running through my blood that is so red-hot, you could boil water on my body.
I hate Linkin Park in the same way the collective public hates Nickelback. I think the music sucks, and for some reason, every radio station in America (including satellite radio) just luuuvs to play them all the live-long day, every single effing day. But what really fuels my hatred, what really baffles my mind, is that I seem to be the only one who feels this way. Because everybody I’ve talked to fucking LOVES them some Linkin Park.
Why? WHYYY?! I get the hating on Nickelback. I do. Approximately 97.3% of musicians are audibly better than them, yet they get more play than a high school cheerleader with low self-esteem. BUT THE SAME EXACT THING APPLIES TO LINKIN PARK, YET PEOPLE TURN A DEAF EAR. The hell, America?
How much does Linkin Park suck? Let me count the ways:
1. All of their songs sound the same. Yes, they do. DON’T ARGUE WITH ME. For instance, check out this song:
Now check out
this exact same this completely different song:
With the exception of the beginning first notes and the rapping, it’s pretty much the same song. In fact, all of the Linkin Park songs I’ve ever heard just blend in to each other because there’s no variety. Having a signature sound is one thing; being too effing lazy to switch up the formula (hello, Nickelback!) is quite another. Even Britney Spears switches it up from time to time (Exhibit A & Exhibit B). No excuse, Linkin Park. No excuse.
2. Their lyrics are abysmal. Here’s a lyric sample from “Far Away” by Nickelback:
This time, this place
Too long, too late
Who was I to make you wait?
Just one chance, just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know
You know, you know
And here’s a lyric sample from “What I’ve Done” by Linkin Park:
What I’ve done
I’ll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
And let go of what I’ve done
Both songs have the highest popularity rating on MetroLyrics, and neither one is exactly poetry. But you know what? Nickelback’s sampling, even though it’s not great, is STILL better than Linkin Park’s. Yeah, I said it. Whatchu gonna do about it, Bub?
“OMG, where did you get your lyrical inspiration? Whitman? Frost? Browning? Wait-WHAT?! YOU WROTE THEM ALL BY YOURSELF?! Someone call the Nobel Prize people and demand they add a category for pop songs because we have a winner right here!” said no one of a Linkin Park song ever.
3. Linkin Park Singer’s (LPS) voice is whiny and annoying. I’m not even bothering to Google the dude’s actual name, that’s how much I hate this band, and his stupid voice. Every time I hear LPS sing, I want to give myself a root canal with an unsterilized power drill. With every note he sings comes the urge to jab hot needles in my ears hard enough to make myself deaf just so I won’t have to listen anymore. Every time he opens his stupid mouth, I just want to shove my hand down his throat and rip out his vocal chords just so he won’t make that damn noise anymore. You following me here?
The last two bands I hated with a such a venomous rage were Creed and Destiny’s Child, but, luckily, they broke up. Linkin Park, however, stubbornly remains together. And America loves the shit out them. Don’t get it twisted, I’ve loved me some crappy music in my lifetime. But unlike my country, I own up to the fact that some of the music I like is bad. Why the USA can’t do that with Linkin Park boggles my damn mind.
ADMIT IT, AMERICA. LINKIN PARK SUCKS HARDER THAN A DYSON.