[my dog hates riddles too]

If you know me personally, or have read this post, you know I hate riddles. Like, really HATE THEM. If a person is all, “Wanna hear a riddle?” I’m all, “Nope,” and then I proceed to tune him/her out and think of things like carrots and unicorns while he/she continues to tell me the riddle BECAUSE WHEN PEOPLE WANT TO TELL YOU A RIDDLE AND YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT, WELL, FUCK THAT. This hatred also extends to puzzles.

Tonight, I found out my dog apparently hates puzzles too. Today had been a day of writing, formatting blog posts, and looking online for freelance writing opportunities, so needless to say, it wasn’t a very high energy day. While I did play with Ava some and take her out throughout the day, I still felt bad that she didn’t have more stimulation. She was just lazing about the apartment, and I felt like she was bored. So before I hopped in the shower this evening, I thought I’d have her play the Find the Treat Game I learned from my dog trainer: hide some kibble or treats throughout the apartment and then have the dog find them. Ava would get rewarded by finding the food, and she’d get some mental stimulation. Win-win. I  used to have her do this exercise as I was leaving for work to help with her separation anxiety, and she got quite good at it. But tonight? Tonight she just wasn’t feeling it.

Just before I hopped in the shower, I took some kibble, had her sniff it, and then hid it around the apartment and let her have at it. I even “helped” her by pulling out my desk chair and letting her see the piece I had hidden by my desk because a) she seemed a little confused, and b) I thought this would get the game going. Once I did that, she seemed fine. She started sniffing around the apartment, and I proceeded to take my shower, my anxiety at possibly being a terrible pet parent lessened.

After I got out the shower, I checked her progress. First of all, this is how I found my dog:

Chillin’ like a fuckin’ villain.

Naturally, I assumed she had found all the treats and was relaxing after her strenuous brain exercise, courtesy of yours truly, THE BEST DOG MOTHER ON THE PLANET. No such luck, my friends. Out of four hidden treats, Ava only found one…and it was the one I had helped her out with earlier.

EPIC FAIL.

Like her mother, when Ava is confronted with a puzzle, she’s all, “Eff that!” and does something else. Which confirms my theory that puzzles are boring and stupid, because if they truly were awesome, my dog would have been all over that shit. And my dog knows what’s up. Trust me.

 

[new examiner article!]

My visit to Coffee Evi got me more jacked up than usual on caffeine. Read on to find out why!

P.S. Crappy internet connection and/or crappy “edit” mode on Examiner strikes again: scroll down past all the computer language to get to the review. I tried to delete it, but it didn’t show up when I tried to edit the story. Le sigh.

[what goes through my mind when i do yoga]

Tonight, after watching He’s Just Not That Into You and eating chips and salsa, I decided to do Jillian Michaels’ Yoga Meltdown workout. Doing an intense workout after eating is stupid for obvious reasons, and it had been awhile since I’d done this particular workout. Below it a synopsis of what ran through my head as I was doing the moves. (If I’m being completely honest, variations of these thoughts run through my head when I’m doing any workout.)

Jillian Michaels: We’re going to start with a few Sun Salutations.

Me: Oh man, I so pwn Sun Salutations! The Sun and I are like on a first name basis. We’re besties. I’m so awesome.

JM: Now we’re going to go into Downward Dog.

Me: Yessss! I’m almost to the point where I have both feet flat on the ground! I FEEL THE STRETCH, JILLIAN. I’m so awesome.

JM: Now we’re going to do some Chaturanga Push-Ups.

Me: Phew…these are a little tricky. Imma have to come down onto my knees. No worries, ain’t no shame in that! I will work up to a full push-up…boy my arms are shaking, will this be over soon?

JM: Now let’s do some Tea Stand Kicks.

Me: Holy shit, I can’t feel my arms. For serious. Are they still attached to my body? CANNOT. FEEL. MY. ARMS.

JM: Now we’re going to go into a Warrior 3 pose. This is a balance pose, so do the best that you can.

Me: Okay, focus on a point…okay, got it. Wait, no I don’t. Okay, got it. Wait, no I don’t…okay, I definitely have it this time…shit. No I don’t. I’ll just sit this one out.

JM: Now I want you to bend your legs slightly, and put your hands on the ground in front of your feet. Now lift one foot in the air, and then the other one. This is all abs. It does require some upper body strength, but your core is doing most of the work.

Me: Fuck this, I’m out. (goes to take shower and tries to keep from throwing up chips and salsa)

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was Sunday’s workout.

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